"I came from a dysfunctional family.  My mother was a nervous wreck most of the time.  At the grocery store when she would be at the checkout counter, she didn't carry a coin purse. She carried a Snoopy Pez dispenser loaded with Valium."

"My mother had us kids do a lot of chores.  When I was 9 or 10 she had me doing the ironing. She would set up the ironing board in front of the TV and put on a soap opera for me to watch while ironing.  Pretty soon I was showing up to iron wearing my bathrobe, my hair up in curlers and a martini in my hand.  I also started wondering if the post man was my real daddy."